What Keeps Me Up at Night

 As I Lie Awake at Night

"Pensive poets painful vigils keep,

       Sleepless themselves to give their readers sleep"

                                         Alexander Pope (1688-1744)

As you who follow my blogs know, I have not written one in a few months. My muse had completely escaped me, but the goddess can suddenly appear out of the blue...and I will write.  We have all gone through a terrible year with many describing Covid-19 dreams or, in some cases, nightmares.  We are at a juncture in our country that will have vast repercussions, not so much for us elders, but for our children and grandchildren.  As I know many of you have found, we have become preoccupied with this chasm and wondering if we'll make it to the other side.

This blog is now three years old and, looking back, I think I have only written one that has addressed partisan politics.  As I was growing up, my parents always taught me not to discuss sex, politics, or religion in "polite company"!  I've reached an age where this is of no concern to me and if I offend someone and their deep beliefs, I apologize in advance.  I'm done with tip-toeing around on eggshells with friends and family who don't agree with me and, yes, after reading this, they might not want to see me again.  Silence achieves nothing.  

A psychiatrist friend of mine told me they are seeing much more anxiety and depression among their patients.  There IS a reason for this and I will surmise it is what's occurring in our world. We are embroiled in an undesirable trifecta of ugly politics, racial unrest, and a pandemic the likes of which we haven't seen in over 100 years.  Sprinkle this recipe with regional wars, the worst migration emergency we've ever seen, and the threat of climate change slowly destroying our planet.  THIS keeps me up at night!  

I'm also living in a city where police brutality resulting in the death of a person of color has made headlines around the world.  Friends from other countries inquired, "Is this YOUR Rochester".  Unfortunately, yes it is.  Friends in the suburbs have asked, "Are you safe?".  Yes I am but that doesn't make what's happening any more tolerable.  Police have attacked peaceful protesters exercising their First Amendment rights, despite what the media and hackers have put out there.  People sadly refer to the protests as "riots" and the participants as "looters".  It's really not about protesters or police.  It's about the persistent structural racism that pervades America.  It's about every Black parent having to have THE conversation with their children, not about the birds and the bees, but about staying alive in a racist society.  THAT keeps me up!

Then, there's the pandemic. The simple wearing of masks, a protective act that also shows your concern for others has become divisive. Sure, we have to do it if we're to get through this before an effective vaccine appears on the scene.  I sometimes wonder if my new granddaughter will ever recognize my face once it's unmasked.  I think we're in this for the long term.  Unfortunately, the pandemic, a scientific phenomenon, has become politicized.  Even talk of rushing a vaccine rapidly through without the proper clinical trials makes me bristle.  How short our historical memory is: have we already forgotten sulfonamide elixir that early last century killed over 100 children treated with it for strep throat,  the victims of thalidomide whose pregnant mothers were using it for morning sickness, or the children stricken with polio during the early Salk vaccine trials?  Hovering just below 200,000 deaths makes me extremely sad but angry with the knowledge that much of this could have been prevented with ample PPE, testing, social distancing and masks. THIS keeps me up at night!

Alas, we arrive at politics.  What can I say and where can I start?  We have a President who is propped up by an inner circle of sycophants and a spineless Republican party that he has made in his image.  I have read books about his early life, his molding by a stern father and being sent away to a school that was known, in the day, to straighten out wayward boys.  There is an obvious stunting of his emotional development that, today, translates to his being vengeful, angry and... just plain mean.  He has conned his way through life, all the way up to the highest office in the land.  Questionable bone spurs to avoid military service, allegedly hiring someone to take his SAT exams, redlining his apartment conglomerate to prevent people of color from renting, starting the birtherism theory questioning Obama being American, the Central Park Five, three wives with numerous mistresses, ...the list goes on.  Not a great example for our children, is he? 

Hyperbole aside, we all thought it was over when he was overheard discussing grabbing women's genitals or when he made fun of, in full public view, a reporter with a disability.  The word cruelty comes to mind. This didn't seem to phase the American electorate. Despite losing the popular vote by three million, he eked out an Electoral College win by a total of 80,000 votes in three states combined.  His Presidency has been marked with an almost weekly news cycle, of outrageous statements, interviews, and sadly, lies. Each cycle has been forgotten by the time a new one occurs.  Apart from the untruths he has told, there are images that stand out in my mind of children in cages, Dreamers who served our country being deported, Kurdish soldiers in northern Syria, long our allies, being abandoned, and the President pushing aside the Prime Minister of a small country at an international conference, so he could stand in the front line.  There are so many others that I can't even recall at this moment.  But his calling the Covid-19 crisis a "Democratic hoax" and that, like the flu, "It will just go away" is for me, having left 200,000 of our fellow citizens dead, knowing full well we were not prepared, what one reporter called it, "negligent homicide".  I will not dwell on Mr. Trump any further in this blog, only to offer my personal opinion that, if re-elected, our country will never be the same,  loading the Courts with unqualified judges, and Civil Rights forever stamped out.

I will not address climate change other than to say, it is apparent, with worsening storms, flooding, and forest fires, as well as record heat, that our children and grandchildren will suffer immensely unless some mitigating intervention occurs soon. As Trump said at a roundtable, addressing experts on climate change recently, "I don't think science knows."  

In concluding this "upbeat" blog, I would advise you all to vote "like your life depended on it" since it does.  Don't dwell on the negative with despair but go forward with a survivalist state of mind, not a defeatist one.  I'm optimistic we'll get through this dark time...